If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
