I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize
