We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
