the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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