Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
