when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
