ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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