I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize