I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
