She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
