So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
