Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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