If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
two words: eviction party
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
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