Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
