his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I need a burrito and a hug.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
