martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize