I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
