Plan B is the new Plan A
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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