At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
