Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize