You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
