You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
