gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
