my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My cat gives me a boner
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
