you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
how does that bad decision feel?
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
