He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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