i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Randomize
