my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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