i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Bring me that man meat
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
