I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
