u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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