Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize