you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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