He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
