I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
