Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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