How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I'm always down for nudity.
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