If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
