I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
