I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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