oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
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