Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
3 2 1 whiskey
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
