fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
