Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
