Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
