No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
