god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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