I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize