The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
