I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
