mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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