I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Are my feet made of real feet?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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