thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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