how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
