winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
