then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize