this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
