i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
