Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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