Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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