grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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