I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
now i know why i became what i already was.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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