He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
