Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
