dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I still have a little drunk in my system
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
