remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
