You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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