we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
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