you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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