I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
