So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
