I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
