i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
