When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
