I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
