u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
