Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
