Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
