I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think i got beer on your cat.
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