i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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