you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
