My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
