I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
