Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
