I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
