Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
