I'm passing your future prison.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize