Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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