i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
My room smells like vodka and shame
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize