i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
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