currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
