he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
