eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize