it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
