I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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